I will update a little about our going on's tomorrow but today.......
8 years ago today, at 6:09pm I became a mother to the most beautiful little boy named Nathan Lee Barnett. Very early in the morning of July 17th I started the long process of labor ending with a C-Section to give birth to the most beautiful, most handsome little baby boy. He was 7 pounds and 13 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long and he was mine. All my life I dreamed of being a mother and that time had finally come and he was perfect. I can remember waking up in the recovery room after having the c-section wanting more than anything to hold my baby.....and when they finally brought him to me it was instant, I was in love....more in love than I had ever been. From that moment I didn't let Nathan hardly leave my side in the hospital, he slept in the room with me, and I spent every moment that I could just watching him, not even getting sleep! I could not believe he was mine, I was the happiest person on the face of the earth and I couldn't have been more proud, more scared, more happy, more emotional than at that time. He was such a perfect and good little baby...we had our moments of frustration such as with breastfeeding but ahhhhhhhhhhhh he was the most wonderful little bundle ever.
Our time together on this earth was short, way to short but never has anyone made me more happy than he did and still does. I go right on loving him with all of my heart and all of my soul, he is always with me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, his pictures are scattered all over my house and I have all the memories that we made as well. Let me share one of my favorite memories....Nathan loved to be held and I held him as much as was physically possible...he also loved to dance with me so we danced but his favorite song was "This Kiss" by Faith Hill, he would laugh as I would whirl him around and around and when the song ended we would play it again, and again and again...nothing made him quite as happy as that one song. To this day when I hear that song I cry...not because I am sad but because of how happy that made him and made me, it always brings me back to dancing around the room with him. His other favorite thing to do was get in his bouncy seat and I would take his legs and bounce them to the Tigger song, "The wonderful thing about Tiggers, are Tiggers are wonderful things, their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of string, there bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one..IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm the only ONE!" and he would just laugh and laugh. Such good and wonderful times and enough to carry me for a lifetime!
So, it is Nathan's birthday.....he is 8 years old in Heaven and I wonder what he must be doing right now. I don't really know much about Heaven so I can only imagine what it must be like and what he must be doing right now....and many times I wonder what he would be doing if he was here right now. Maybe playing baseball or soccer, climbing trees, running into the house for a glass of water and giving me a quick hug before he runs off to play some more? Things I will never really know....like how his arms would feel around my neck or the smell of him after a bath and I am tucking him into bed, or going into to wake him up in the morning to hear him be grumpy, or even him getting in trouble for something.....I actually MISS not knowing what it would be like to have him here with me. I would imagine he would be such a handsome little guy with big, dark eyes and dark hair, maybe he would be tall or he could be short. I wish I knew......
Anyway, tonight Lily and I are going to let off some balloons for Nathan and have a birthday cake and sing to him our "Happy Birthday" song, Lily is old enough to know more and more about her brother Nathan, we are going to put in a movie and watch him for a little bit and I am going to tell her some stories about what a special brother you have in Heaven, I know he must be so proud of his little sister and what a beautiful little girl she is today. I wish I could have them both here with me tonight, I wish I could sing Happy Birthday to him in person but I know he will hear it and I know he knows how much I love him, he is in my heart always and forever until I see him again.
Anyway, Happy Birthday to my sweet and precious Natie-bug who I love more and more and more each and everyday. You made my life so happy and so wonderful, you are never forgotten, you are always loved, and you are always my son and I am proud of you and even more proud to be your mom because I always will be your mom! You gave me more joy in the almost 4 months you were with me than many people experience in a lifetime and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. So tonight as Lily and I think of you, sing to you and blow out your candle know you are always loved by us...by ME. Watch for the balloons, they are beautiful Natie and know that I am sending you kisses on Angels Wings........
I have created a folder for Nathan's pictures as well.....
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